


Setting it right

by Edom



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Ethan Gold Bashing, M/M, Michael Novotny Bashing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-05-16
Updated: 2008-07-10
Packaged: 2018-12-27 01:25:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12070857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Edom/pseuds/Edom
Summary: Brian and Justin talk and try to set some things right.





	1. A surprise visit

  
Author's notes: The boys are not mine, regrettably. I just play with them for a while before returning them to their rightful owners. I mean no harm, only fun.  


* * *

Brian was at home and really didn’t want to see anybody when he heard a knock on the door. When he opened he saw the last people he would ever have expected.

 

“Happy birthday Brian, may we come in?”

 

“Sure come in. I don’t mean to be rude, but what are you doing here Jennifer, Daphne?”

 

“We’re worried about Justin.”

 

“Then you should talk to the fiddler, I’m sure he would be more than happy to help his new mother-in-law.” Brian snarked.

 

“Pfft. The only person who will be able to help us with this problem is you.”

 

“What is it this time?”

 

“This time?”

 

“The last time you asked for my help was when you wanted me to teach him to be touched again, what is it this time? Mind you, I’m sure he really doesn’t want my help this time around.”

 

“That’s just it, he does but he doesn’t want to admit that. He thinks you don’t love him, and before you say it, save it for someone who actually believes you.”

 

“Say what?”

 

“That you don’t believe in love, I know that you love my son. Justin knows that you love him too he is just suffering from PTSD and his ‘Brian reader’ is slightly faulty since the bashing.”

 

“His ‘Brian reader’?”

 

“You know damn well that he is the only person who can read you flawlessly, or he could before Hobbs.”

 

“What is the problem?”

 

“The anniversary of the prom is coming up and he is like a cat in a room full of rocking chairs. He is short tempered and distracted. He forgets everything and he has lost weight in the last week. He is pale and withdrawn. To be honest with you we’re scared for him.

 

“What does the fiddler think about all of this?”

 

“Tell you what? I really couldn’t care less, he is not important enough to Justin for me to care about his opinion on anything.”

 

“What the fuck are you talking about, not important enough?”

 

“Let me tell you a little story and you tell me what you think. When I saw you at the GLC for the exhibit of Justin’s work, I was scared shitless for my baby boy. First I find out he is gay, and as if that in and of itself couldn’t represent enough problems for him, he is involved with a very sexually charged man a lot older than himself. When I told Craig, not my finest moment I admit, we confronted Justin and told him we didn’t want him to see you again. Do you know what he told us?”

 

“No.” Brian had become increasingly subdued during Jennifer’s story.

 

“He said, I love him, and I’m going to see him, you can’t stop me.”

 

Brian’s head snapped up and he looked at Jennifer with shock written all over his face.

 

“He told you that he loved me?”

 

“Yeah, he did. Do you know what he said after I had met Ethan the first time?”

 

“He probably told you how wonderful he is and how romantic.”

 

“He did, and he asked me if I didn’t think he was great and wasn’t he cute and stuff like that.”

 

“Yeah so, sounds to me like he is in love.”

 

“The difference is that when he talked about you he really didn’t give a…. fuck what Craig and I thought, he wanted to be with you and our opinion didn’t matter. With Ethan he is practically begging me to tell him that he made the right choice to leave you for him. And I can’t do that, I believe that he made a colossal error in judgment, one he will regret if he truly looses you in the bargain.”

 

Brian looked at her dumbfounded.

 

“Shit, that might just have been the last thing I expected from you, I would have thought that you’d be thrilled that he had found someone his own age, someone a little more appropriate.”

 

“Who cares about appropriate when my son is hurting?”

 

“How do you know that he is hurting over me, maybe it’s just because of the upcoming anniversary.”

 

“I know because if he had been himself he would have taken your little speech about coming home to him as the declaration of love that it really was and he wouldn’t have let Michael plant the little seed of doubt in him.” Daphne said

 

“What seed of doubt? What did Michael say to him?”

 

“It was after the incident with the zucchini man, remember him?”

 

Brian blushed but nodded his head yes.

 

“He looked like shit in the diner the next day and Michael asked him what was wrong. Justin made the tactical error of trusting Michael’s objectivity where you are concerned and told him.” Brian snorted and Daphne gave him a little smirk before continuing. “Michael asked him what else is new and told him that you would never change, then Justin asked: then what am I doing there? You want to know what your best friend told him?”

 

Brian was afraid of the answer but nodded again.

 

“He said, you are there because you were bashed and he feels guilty.”

 

“What the fuck? Michael thinks that Justin was only staying with me because I felt guilty?”

 

“Yes, because Michael actually believes all the bullshit you are spewing about not believing in love and not doing boyfriends, and therefore in his world you would only ever have Justin around because of guilt. Well before the bashing anything Michael would tell him would go in one ear and out the other, but he is so fucking insecure in his own right to be loved that he believed Michael.”

 

“Fuck.”

 

“Well the thing is, Justin is going to need your help getting through the day on Saturday, and if I’m not mistaken you need him just as much. I really hope you will think about this Brian, both of you are in serious need of counseling, but since I really won’t hold my breath on that one, I hope you at least will be able to support each other.” Jennifer said as she stood up and went to the door.

When the two women had left Brian sat on the sofa for a very long time just thinking.


	2. A surprise visit

  
Author's notes: Brian starts his campaign to spend the day with Justin.  


* * *

When Brian had been sitting on his sofa for an hour thinking about the visit from Jennifer and Daphne, he left to go to the comic store.

When he got there, Michael gave him a big smile and would have wagged his tail if he had one. Brian was not impressed with his best friend just then. 

When the last of the customers that had been in the store left, he came around to give Brian a kiss, but Brian moved away from him.  

“What’s the matter, Brian? Why won’t you kiss me?” Michael whined.

 

“Why the fuck did you tell Justin that he was only living with me because I felt guilty?”

 

“Because it’s the truth. He was complaining about your tricking and he had to get over that.  We both know that you will never change.”

 

“What the fuck does that have to do with anything? Justin was not fucking living in the loft because I felt guilty about the bashing. He was there because I wanted him there. Do you have any idea how much you hurt him with that callous remark? He had been through hell and you lay that kind of shit on him? What the fuck were you thinking?”

 

“I wasn’t, ok? I just told him what I know to be the truth.  You don’t do boyfriends or roommates or whatever the fuck he was to you.  If he hadn’t been bashed, he would never have been living with you.”

 

“Justin was never my fucking roommate and you know that. He may not have been living with me if he hadn’t been bashed, but he was and I needed him close to be sure he was safe. Do you have any idea how scared I was sitting on that damn cement with his bleeding head in my lap waiting for the ambulance?”

 

Michael looked shocked. He had never heard Brian talk like that before.

 

“Look, Michael, I’m going to be very busy for the next couple of days. Will you spread the word that I won’t be around and I don’t want to be disturbed?”

 

“Sure.” Michael looked after Brian’s retreating back with a puzzled expression on his face.

 

When Brian got home, he called the Omni William Penn Hotel and booked their Presidential suite for three days, starting with Saturday. Now all he had to do was convince Justin that they needed to be together and talk for the next couple of days.

 

‘No problem,’ he thought.  ‘I’m the best damn ad-man this town has ever seen; I can sell anything.’

 

His face fell.  He knew that it really wouldn’t be that easy. If he had to guess, he would think that Justin didn’t want anything to do with him at this point.

 

The first part of the campaign started that same day. He went out and bought what he needed and had it couriered to Justin later that evening.

**Justin POV**   

I had been home less than ten minutes when there was a knock on the door.

 

“Delivery for Justin Taylor.”

 

“That’s me.”

 

“Sign here, please.”

 

When I had signed, he gave me a long shiny black box with a silver string around it. When I opened it, I got the shock of my life. In the box lay a white scarf like the one from the prom.  On top was a note. The note said:

 

‘We need to spend that day together and talk.’

 

No signature, but I knew who had sent it, but what I didn’t know was why. I was happy that Ethan wasn’t home, because I really needed that time alone to think. Brian was right; we did need to talk about the prom.  I just wasn’t sure if I wanted to. I put the scarf in my messenger bag, the one place I knew with absolute certainty that Ethan never looked.

 

It was a little weird that he had sent me a gift on this day of days. I sent a little gift to him a couple of days ago that he should hopefully have gotten today, it being his birthday and all. It wasn’t anything big; I really don’t have that kind of money, just something to let him know that I don’t hate him and I still think about him from time to time. Ok, that was a bold faced lie. I don’t think about him from time to time; I think about him every fucking second of every fucking day and it is frustrating as hell. I can’t concentrate on anything and I’m short tempered and irritable. And the fact that the anniversary of the prom is coming up isn’t helping any. 

 

Hopefully, Ethan thinks that it is just that.  I hope he can’t tell that he is starting to piss me off with his constant practicing and talk about his stupid professors and music pieces he is playing. It really isn’t fair to him.  He hasn’t changed all that much from when I first met him, but I was so infatuated with all that romance and all the flowering words that I overlooked those less than flattering attributes. It’s funny, I knew from the start what Brian was like and I never overlooked it; I just loved him warts and all. Still do, if I’m being honest with myself.

 

**Brian POV**

Justin has sent me a birthday present. I found it in the mail when I got back from all my errands. I just sit and stare at it, afraid to open it. I can’t imagine what you would get your ex-whatever-the-fuck.

 

When I finally find the courage to open it, it turns out to be a drawing of me and Gus, done from the picture Mikey took that night at the hospital right after he was born. It’s beautiful and I can’t stop staring at it. After a while, I tear my eyes off the picture and decide that I should probably thank him for it.

 

I send him a text simply saying ‘thank you, it’s beautiful’.

 

I get one back, ‘thank you too, I love it’. And I know that he got his package. Next step of the campaign can begin.


	3. The campaign continues

  
Author's notes: Brian continues his campaign.  


* * *

**Justin POV**

 

When I came home the next day from the extra shift I had picked up at the diner, Ethan was sitting on the couch holding a black box.

 

“What is this, Justin?”

 

“How should I know? I just got home.” I had a feeling I knew who it was from, though. 

 

Ethan gave me the box and I opened it slowly. It was a CD containing ‘Save the Last Dance for Me’ and a note saying ‘We need to be together tomorrow, I’ll pick you up at seven’.

 

“Who is it from? And what does the note say?”

 

“It’s from Brian.  He wants me to spend tomorrow with him.”

 

“Why? I don’t get it. Why would he want to spend tomorrow with you? Does he want you back?” Ethan was beginning to sound a little paranoid.

 

“Tomorrow is the anniversary of the prom. I don’t think he wants me back; he just wants to talk about what happened back then.”

 

“Well you can’t. You are going with me to a party at a friend’s house,” Ethan said like it was a done deal.

 

“I can’t? Says who? And this is the first I have heard about a party. I really don’t want to go to a party tomorrow; you have got to realize that.”

 

“Why not? It might get your mind off of things for a while. Have a little wine and some intellectual conversation instead of always talking about who fucked who and Brian’s latest conquest.”

 

“What the fuck are you talking about? That was not what he and I talked about. And why would I want to talk about classical music and stupid professors? Do you seriously think that that would get my mind off of the fact that a year ago someone tried to kill me? I’m going to bed.” With that I went to the bathroom to get ready for bed and I didn’t even say goodnight to Ethan before getting under the covers.

  **Brian POV**

 

The next day, I arrived at Ethan’s building a little before seven. I knocked on the door after I climbed the stairs in the filthy, disgusting hallway. When the door opened, it was the fiddler.

 

“What do you want?” he asked me condescendingly.

 

“Well, either Justin didn’t tell you I was coming, or you are trying to intimidate me.”

 

“He told me, but do you really think that he is going to choose to go back to you? Now, he has tried to be in a committed relationship with someone who respects commitment.”

 

“Really? I guess you are going to tell me that you and he never fucked before he left me? You are so full of shit, Ian. You have absolutely no respect for relationships.  If you did, you would never have pursued Justin while he was still with me.”

 

Ethan blanched.  He looked like he had never actually thought about his part in splitting up Justin and I.

 

Just then, Justin came to the door already wearing a jacket and carrying his messenger bag.

 

“Let’s go. Bye, Ethan.”

 

He grabbed my hand and almost dragged me down the stairs and down to the jeep.

 

“Where are we going? The loft?”

 

“No, I thought we should have some privacy, and you know as well as I do that we can’t get that at the loft.”

 “Right, so where are we going?”  
 

“You’ll see. You hungry?”

 

“I could eat.”

 

“Good. We’ll get something to eat and then we’ll talk.”

 

“What is it you want to talk about, exactly?”

 

“I want to talk about what happened a year ago.  Well, I actually don’t, but I figured we need to, both of us.”

 

“I think so too, we never actually talk about it. You always just tell me to forget about it and refuse to tell me anything after we went to the parking garage.”

 

“I know. And I’m sorry about that. I know I always say that sorry’s bullshit, but apparently you can’t just sweep something like this under a rock and forget about it. Other than that night, I want to talk about us. I want to know what went wrong and when it started.”

 

Justin looked at me like I had just grown a second head.

 

“Are you serious? You want to talk about what went wrong with us?”

 

“Yeah, I want to know what I did wrong. I have never been in a relationship before, as you know, and I really don’t know what went wrong between us.”

 

Just then, we drove up to the hotel and I got out of the car and gave the keys to the valet.

 

“Let’s get checked in. We can order room service and talk.”

“Ok.”


	4. The talk 1

  
Author's notes:

Brian and Justin talk about the bashing.

To my beta TayTay4936, I couldn't do it without you.

* * *

**Justin POV**

 

We ordered room service and ate. We started out a little uncomfortable in each other’s company, but that only lasted about 15 minutes, and then we fell back into our old routine of talking about school and Vanguard. I told him about my classes and he actually listened like he was interested; it was nice. Ethan never seems like he listens when I’m talking about my art.  He just kind of nods his head and looks like he is thinking about anything but me. It was nice to have an audience who was interested in what I had to say.  Then again, Brian had always been interested in my art and my classes. It might be because he is paying for my school, but I think it is more than that.

 

He told me about his latest clients and the latest from the fuck up twins. I have always thought that he exaggerates where they are concerned, but that doesn’t make the stories any less entertaining.

 

After dinner is finished, we sit with a cup of coffee and I can see that Brian is gearing up to THE TALK.

 

“I want to tell you about prom. I can only do this if you promise me not to interrupt. If you interrupt, I’m not sure I will be able to continue, ok?” He looks almost scared and I almost take him in my arms to comfort him, but I check my impulse.

 

“Sure, I promise, no interruptions.”

 

“Ok, here goes nothing.”

 

**Brian POV**

 

I take a couple of deep breaths to try and calm down a little. I’m scared shitless that I won’t be able to get through this without breaking down, and I really don’t want to do that.

 

“It all started on my thirtieth birthday. I was feeling somewhat sorry for myself, despite the fact that pity makes my dick soft.  I had a little private pity party going. When you asked me to go to your prom with you, I couldn’t picture myself in a room full of eighteen-year-olds without feeling even older than I did already. The next day, I was out shopping with Lindz and Gus. She thought that it was adorable that you asked me and I bitched about being too old. She told me to get over it and started talking about being grandparents.  That didn’t exactly help.” Justin chuckles a little at that, but doesn’t say anything. “She said that I should celebrate my birthday and give myself something special. That’s when I saw the scarf and I knew what I wanted. I bought the cursed thing, and that night, instead of going to Mikey’s goodbye party, I lit up a joint and drank a couple of glasses of beam.”

 

I take another deep breath to gather strength for the next part. I have no idea how he will react to the news about the scarfing incident.

 

“I took the scarf and tried a couple of times before I succeeded in getting it over one of the loft beams. I then tied it around my neck, took out my dick and started whacking off.” 

 

I hear Justin gasp, but to his credit he doesn’t say anything. I don’t dare look at him; I can only imagine what’s in his face right now. 

 

“I didn’t really intend to kill myself.  I only wanted the most amazing orgasm of my life. Mikey barged in and got me down before I got that far.  He reamed me out, told me that I would always be young and beautiful, I was Brian Kinney for fuck’s sake.” 

 

Justin scoffs but still doesn’t say anything.  I don’t know how he is doing it, but he has always been extremely strong. 

 

“That got me thinking about what made me feel young, and I decided that the one thing that really did that for me was you.” 

 

This time, I do look at him and he has a strange expression on his face. It’s like he can’t decide if he should be happy about that or pissed that I haven’t told him before. 

 

“I made the decision to go to your prom, but I knew you had already asked Daphne and I didn’t want to ruin her night, so I would just show up later in the evening, dance one dance with you and then leave. It was supposed to be so simple; provoke the breeders and then disappear. I found out who was going to DJ and called him to make arrangements. He agreed to play the song when you and I made our way to the floor. When I got there, I started to have second thoughts, not that I didn’t want to dance with you, I did, but maybe it wasn’t such a good idea after all. Just as I was about to leave again, Daphne saw me, and I had no choice but to go through with the original plan.”

 

Now I have to compose myself again. Now we are getting to the hard part of this little tale of mine.

 

“I really wish that you remembered this next part, Justin. We were fucking unbelievable. Daphne was right.  We looked amazing together.  It was like we had danced like that a thousand times before. We were gliding around the floor and shifting the scarf between us. You even took off my jacket at one point and threw it to Daphne. When the song came to an end, I lifted you off the floor and spun you around.  After I put you back down, we kissed, the greatest kiss any of those breeders had ever seen, that’s for sure. We ran from the room and while we were waiting for the elevator, Daphne came out with my jacket and I told her that you would be back to take her home in a little while, you would just walk me to the jeep and then come right up. We were singing and dancing through the garage and when we were at the jeep, you told me that it was the best night of your life and I said, ‘even if it was ridiculously romantic’. You looked so god damn beautiful that I almost didn’t dare kiss you.  It was stupid, really, but I did and I told you ‘later’ and got in the jeep. You left and I was looking after you in my mirror when I saw Chris Hobbs coming after you. I opened the door and the rest you unfortunately do remember.”

 

Tears are streaming down my face at this point and I don’t even try to stop them. I still can’t look at him, but I can hear that he is crying, too. All of a sudden, I can feel his hand under my chin lifting my face to look at him. What I see in his eyes almost has me undone. His eyes shine with so much love I almost throw myself at him. I held back, but he didn’t. He took me in his arms and we sat clinging to each other for a long time, crying.

 

**Justin POV**

 

Holy fucking shit. That was some story. What the hell was that about that damn scarf? That might be the most asinine thing I have ever heard. What the fuck was he thinking?

 

We are sitting here holding onto each other for dear life. I’m so glad he told me about this, but at the same time I so wish he didn’t have to. 

 

We sit like that for quite I while before separating and wiping our eyes and cheeks. He gives me a shy smile and I smile back.

“That was the meltdown for today. Maybe we should wait with the rest for tomorrow,” he says and I just look at him wondering what he is getting at. 

“I rented this room for three days. I didn’t know how long this would take and I didn’t want to rush it. We need to get to the bottom of this and if that takes a couple of days, so be it. The bed in there is big enough that we won’t even have to get within two feet of each other. I promise not to try and seduce you tonight, Sunshine.  What do you say, should we go to sleep and then pick it up tomorrow?”

 

I can actually see some merit to what he is saying. I am kind of tired and the bed is plenty big for the both of us.

 

“Ok, let’s get some sleep and pick this up in the morning. There is just one problem with that.”

 

“What?”

 

“I haven’t brought any clothes or toiletries.”

“I’ve packed some sweats and an extra toothbrush. I also have a spare blade for the razor, so you see, we are all set.”  
  

“Thanks.”

 

“You’re welcome. I’ll just grab a shower before turning in.”

 

With that, he went to the bathroom and I decided that I better call Ethan and tell him I’m not coming home tonight.

 

“Hi, Ethan, it’s me. I just called to tell you that I won’t be home tonight. Brian and I are not done talking yet and we are staying at the hotel tonight.”

 

“What do you mean you won’t come home? You can’t stay at a hotel with that whore.”

 

“Excuse me? Who the fuck are you to tell me what I can and cannot do? I didn’t ask you if I could; I told you what I am doing. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

 

With that, I close the phone just as Brian comes out of the bathroom only wearing a towel around his waist. All of a sudden, my jeans are rather uncomfortable and I figure a shower might be a good idea.

 

“I’ll just take a quick shower too.”

 

“Sure.”

 

I go to the bathroom and strip out of my clothes. Once in the shower, I grab my dick and start whacking off. The sight of Brian in close to nothing is something my body recognizes and reacts to. After I cum, I wash off quickly and wrap a towel around my waist. Two can play this game.

 

When I get to the bedroom, Brian is already in bed, and my bet would be that he is wearing his usual bed attire, namely nothing. He looks up as I walk through the door and I see his eyes widen and darken with lust. I smile inwardly, gottcha.

I drop the towel and climb into the other side of the bed. I can hear his breath catch and I lay with my back to him and smile widely. This is going to be a long night.


	5. The Talk 2

  
Author's notes: The boys finish their talk.  


* * *

Justin and Brian each had a nightmare during the night, and they each succeeded in calming the other one down and going back to sleep. In that regard, it was as if they had never been apart.

 

They woke up like they always did when they slept in the same bed, tangled together in the middle.

 

Brian woke first and at first he couldn’t figure out who it was laying halfway on top of him until he saw the blond hair.  Then he smiled and snuggled closer. He could feel Justin’s morning hard on prodding into his groin and he didn’t dislike that in the least.

 

When Justin woke up, he stretched and felt a hard cock on his stomach.  He knew the smell and the feel of the body next to his and his own body reacted accordingly. His cock became impossibly harder and his hand started caressing the chest his head was lying on.

 

When Brian felt that, he started running his hand up and down Justin’s back. Justin lifted his head and looked into Brian’s hazel eyes. They looked at each other for a little while before Brian lowered his head slowly to give Justin time to pull away. When he was close enough to kiss, he waited and Justin closed the gap. They kissed for a long time before they broke apart in order to breathe.

 

**Brian POV**

 

I was scared shitless when we broke the kiss.  I wanted him so much it fucking hurt, but I was afraid he would pull away when he realized what he was doing. As it turned out, I had absolutely nothing to worry about. He started stroking my chest again and he gave a little extra attention to my nipples. He sucked two of his fingers into his mouth and I almost came from looking at that. He took my right nipple between his fingers and gave it a little pinch. My breath hitched and he smiled.  I could feel that smile against my chest. His hand wandered lower and started playing with my balls. 

 

I grabbed his hand and flipped him over so he was under me. I kissed a trail down his jaw, chin, neck and chest until I reached my ultimate goal. I sucked all of him into my mouth and he gasped. I kept him on the edge for a long time until I finally released him and grabbed a packet of lube to prepare him. I stuck a finger in him and he arched his back off the bed. When he was loose enough, I put on a condom and pushed into him slowly.

 

“AHH, Justin, god you are so fucking tight.”

 

“Yeah, it’s been a while,” he gasped, and I was taken aback. I wanted to ask him about that, but I wanted to fuck him even more. I started pushing in and out and he moved with me.  It was like it had been with us every time ever since the first. It was over a lot faster than I wanted it to be, and when he came, he screamed my name. I came shortly after, screaming his name just as loudly.

 

“My god, Brian, I really needed that.”

 

“I know, me too.”

 

**Justin POV**

 

It was strange; I didn’t even feel guilty. All the time when I was fucking Ethan behind Brian’s back, I felt guilty all the time. This, this just felt right.  This felt like I was where I was supposed to be. I had to talk to Brian about this.  I needed to know if he felt even remotely like I did.

 

“Brian, we need to talk about what just happened.”

 

His face fell and he looked like I had just punched him in the gut.

 

“I didn’t mean that it was a mistake, Brian.  I just want to know what it means. Is this just a way of dealing with what happened yesterday, a farewell fuck, or is it the beginning of something? I really have no clue and I think we should figure that out.”

 

He breathed out like he had been holding his breath and held onto me just a little tighter.

 

“I don’t think that this was a mistake, either. I thought that you did, though. Look, we better get up.  We still have a lot to talk about. Maybe this should be one of the topics in that little discussion.”

 

“You’re right; we do have a lot to talk about. In order to save time, maybe we should shower together,” I ask him trying to look innocent. He barks out a laugh and swats my ass before he gets out of bed. He reaches for my hand and when I grab it, he pulls me out of bed and into the bathroom. 

 

We shower and suck each other off before getting out and toweling off. We put on the hotel robes before going into the sitting room to order breakfast. We had decided to eat first before continuing our little talk.

 

Finally, we sat on opposite ends of the couch, our feet touching.

 

**Brian POV**

 

I almost had a fucking heart attack when he wanted to talk about our fuck. I was sure he had regretted it and wanted to tell me it could never happen again. I was uncharacteristically relieved when he said that it wasn’t a mistake. I mean, seriously, when has Brian Kinney ever been nervous about what someone thinks the next day?

 

Now, we are sitting on the couch, ready to resume our talk.  Well, actually, it is not the same talk we got through about the prom last night, thank god. Now we have to talk about what went wrong between us. I have some idea and I know for a fact about some things.  I did try to push him away, but I want to know when it started.

 

“When did things start to go wrong between us?”

 

“Zucchini man.”

 

“Fuck, I have heard a lot about him in the last days. What was so special about him?”

 

“It was the timing. We had been to the market and I honestly thought that you hadn’t even noticed the guy. I was telling Daphne how great it was between us and how you didn’t even look at other guys when we were together. I mean, I know you still tricked, but I felt that you were a lot more considerate of me, and not doing it in front of me. And what do we walk into? You, fucking zucchini man on the sofa in what was supposed to be our home. I know that the loft is yours, but I was living there too, and that fucking hurt. That was when I started thinking that maybe you didn’t really want me there.  Maybe I was an inconvenience you put up with because I was bashed and you felt guilty. Michael didn’t help when he told me that was exactly why I was there.”

 

Fucking Michael. One of these days I will have to tell him to butt the fuck out of my life.

 

“Is that why you left to go to Debbie’s?”

 

“Yeah.  I didn’t want to be in your way and I really didn’t want to walk into that again anytime soon.”

 

“Did you know that she cornered me at Woody’s the next night?”

 

“No, what did she say?”

 

Should I tell him? It was a very revealing conversation. Fuck it, here goes.

 

“She asked me if you hadn’t been through enough without being hurt by me. As usual, I tried acting like I didn’t care, but this is Debbie we’re talking about, and she didn’t buy it for a second, just insisted that she had known me too long and regrettably too well.” Justin winces at that.  He would; he hated when Debbie said things like that to me. “She said that even though I had fought hard never to let another heart touch mine, assuming I had one, that that little persistent kid had gotten in under the wire, that I cared just as much about you as you cared about me. She told me to say to you what I could never say to Michael. That is how our rules were born.”

 

“Those were fucked up. And I know, since I’m the only one who ever broke them.” He looked about ready to cry.

 

“Why did you?”

 

“The first time was when I kissed that kid. He was a virgin and he looked so hurt that I was acting so distant.  I couldn’t help but think about what I would have done if you had treated me like that my first time. I should have never fucked the kid in the first place. When he told me he was I virgin, I should have just left. Did you know that he turned up at the diner the next day? Wanted to see me again.”

 

“No, I didn’t know that. What did you tell him?”

 

“I told him that it was just a fuck and nothing else.” He looked sheepish and I felt like someone had just punched me in the gut. Those were almost the exact words I had said to him.

“Ok, that was the first time. What about the fiddler?” 

“That was because of my birthday. Mel and Lindz took me to hear him and I thought he was hot. After the concert, he told me that I had caused him to make some mistakes because I distracted him. I had doodled him on the program and he admired my drawings. He made me feel good about myself, like what I did and said mattered to him. When I got home, you told me that you had something for me. I was so damn happy.  I hadn’t expected anything from you, I really hadn’t, and then you had gotten me a hustler. I felt that you didn’t know me at all, that you had just gotten me what you would have liked, and not taken the time to consider what I would have thought was a nice present.”

 

That hurt, mainly because it was partly right. I wouldn’t have liked a hustler for my birthday either, though, but I really hadn’t given much thought to what he might have liked.

 

“Mel and Lindz had given me hell for not getting you anything and you’re right, I didn’t think, I just reacted. I guess I should have given you a new sketch pad or some brushes.  You would probably have liked that a lot better.”

 

Justin looked like he didn’t know if he should laugh or cry. I guess he would have liked if I had thought that far in the first place.

 

“Well, a couple of days later, I went through the music department, subconsciously I guess.  I wanted to see him again. I heard him play in one of the music labs and stopped to say hi. He asked what I did at his concert and I told him it was my birthday and some of my friends had brought me because my boyfriend didn’t believe in birthdays. He then told me what he would have done if I was his boyfriend and it was so romantic. I started seeing him around and he kept telling me how talented and beautiful I was and for once I actually felt like I was worth something to someone.”

 

I couldn’t breathe when he said that.  Did I make him believe that he wasn’t worth something to me? Oh my fucking god.  I had done absolutely everything for him and he didn’t see that?

 

“When you canceled our trip to Vermont and you didn’t want to have a floor picnic with me, I guess that was the final straw for me. When you went to Babylon that night, I went to Ethan’s place. That was the first time we fucked. You grew more and more distant and Ethan was telling me that he wished I didn’t have to go home every time I was with him. I don’t know how you found out about us, but I was ready to call it off with him if you had told me that you wanted me to stay, but you never did. You went and fucked Rage at the launch party and then Ethan showed up. I was at the end of my rope and I desperately needed someone to love me and that obviously wasn’t you, so I left.”

 

I can feel the tears sting in my eyes, but I am not going to cry in front of him again, not over this.

 

“Do you want to know why I canceled our trip?”

 

“You told me.  It was business.”

 

“When I got in to work one day, Marty Ryder told me that he had sold the agency.  I was pissed because he had promised to make me partner. I had worked long and hard for that and I deserved it. When I came to work the day Gardner had taken over, he had fired just about everybody.  He told me that if I didn’t prove to him why he should keep me within a week, he would fire me too. I found out that he had wanted the Brown account for a very long time but never managed to nail it. I went to Chicago to sell Leo Brown on the idea of changing to Vanguard in order to save my job. I had a clause put in the contract that stated that I would be partner as a condition of the signing.”

 

“Why didn’t you just tell me that?”

 

“Because I was so sure that you would know that I would never cancel a trip with you unless it was very important. You used to be able to read me.  You were onto me and I hadn’t gotten the memo that that had changed. The worst part was that when I came home I had a bottle of champagne and said into the loft ‘Hey, Sunshine, come congratulate me.  Your partner just made partner’.”

 

“What? You called yourself my partner?”

 

“I did, but you weren’t there. I changed clothes and went out to find you only to find out that you had gone to Vermont without me.”

 

“Shit. I didn’t know that.  The only thing I know is that you were fucking some guy in our bed when I came home.”

 

“I didn’t want you to know how much your taking off bothered me. That was supposed to be our get away, and you left alone.”

 

“Why did you fuck Rage at the party?”

 

“To drive you away. You were obviously not happy with me, but I knew that you would never leave me on your own out of some stupid sense of loyalty. I just wanted you to be happy even if it wasn’t with me.”  
 

Justin gasped and I looked at him.  He is white as a ghost and trembling all over.

 

“Sunshine, what’s the matter?”

 

“This is the most fucked up thing I have ever heard. Do you know why I left you?”

 

“Because you had fallen in love with someone else.”

 

“No, because I thought I was a burden to you, and you really didn’t want me around anymore.”

 

I almost stop breathing when he says that. This is so fucked up.

 

“You thought you were a burden to me? How the fuck did you figure that?”

 

“You never gave me any indication that you wanted to be with me.  I couldn’t read you like I could before the prom and you never talked to me.”

 

“Jesus, Justin, you and I have to work on our communication. We suck at it. I wanted you with me.  I just figured that you had gotten tired of dealing with me and my shit, that you had found someone closer to your own age that could give you everything you wanted.”

 

“Ethan is very sweet and romantic, and I really like him, but I don’t love him, never have. He is easy to be with and I needed that.  I needed to know that someone wanted me.”

 

“I have never stopped wanting you, Justin,” I almost whispered.

 

“I know you want to fuck me Brian.  I could tell earlier. I want to be with someone for more than just sex.”

 

“It’s not just sex Justin.  I like talking to you.  I like watching a movie and just hanging around. You and I can actually have an intelligent conversation that has absolutely nothing to do with the latest gossip or comic books. I sleep better when you are lying next to me.  I have slept like shit since you moved out.”

 

“Me too. And I do miss the sex.”

 

“Yeah, me too. What did you mean it had been a while?”

“I haven’t bottomed since the last time with you.”

“What? You top the fiddler?”

“Always. It somehow doesn’t feel right to bottom for him.”

 

I feel like jumping for joy. Apparently, his ass is still mine, but then again, I’m still not enough for him.  He wants the flowers and the sweet words.

 

“So, what do we do now? You want me to be your dirty little secret? Let me be the other man this time?”

 

I know I sound bitter, but I can’t do that. I want more than some clandestine sex once in a while.  I want it all with Justin. It’s funny, I have never wanted to be in a relationship, and now that I got out of the one I somehow ended in anyway, I want it back.

 

“God no, Brian. I could never do that to you, or me for that matter. What do you want?”

 

“I want it all, Justin.  I told you once that I want to come home to you, and that hasn’t changed a single day since.”

 

I can see tears forming in his eyes and then one escapes and rolls down his cheek. I catch it with my thumb and he leans his head into my hand.

 

“I want that too. If I had known that, I never would have left you in the first place.”

 

I move to sit closer to him and lift him onto my lap. I put both my hands on his face and look in his eyes.

 

“Come home, Justin, please.”

 

“I would love to, Brian, but we have to change some things. We have to promise to tell each other what we want and if something is bothering us.”

 

“You’re right.  We have to work on our communication. I will also promise that if you come home there will be no more tricks in the loft. We will keep our bed just for us.”

 

“I like that idea.”

 

He smiled his radiant smile at me, and I have to kiss that gorgeous mouth of his. We kiss for a very long time until he leaves to get a condom and lube. He quickly prepares himself and rolls the condom on me before sitting across my lap. He lowers himself onto me and we both grown loudly.

 

After we are done, I look him in the eyes and just enjoy being with him again.

 

“I love you, Justin.”

 

He smiles widely and gives me a little kiss.

 

“I love you, too.”

We moved his stuff back to the loft the same day. The fiddler was not happy when Justin told him, but I think he had suspected that this might happen. We chose to stay at the hotel for the extra two days I had booked it for. It was like a honeymoon of sorts. When the three days were up, we went to Babylon to announce to the world, and who ever else was listening, that we are back together. We figure the grapevine will take care of the rest.


End file.
